For this to happen, however, leaders must first manage their own emotions as tempers are rising. If that length of a break isn’t possible, then simply pushing back from the table, taking a deep breath and pausing for six seconds before you speak is often enough to get your emotions, and your tongue, under control.Īction step: Take a timeout to prevent escalating conflict and losing control of your temper.įor leaders, the ability to effectively manage conflict is nonnegotiable. When things are getting heated, taking a 30-minute timeout often prevents unnecessary meltdowns. We've used this approach in our home for so long that my daughters have actually said to me, “Dad, your prefrontal cortex is not engaged." This provides a not-so-subtle reminder that my emotions were driving our conversation rather than rational and logical thinking. These "emotional timeouts” can allow the logical part of our brain, the prefrontal cortex, to drive the conversation and prevent cyclical arguments that often spiral out of control. When tempers are rising, it often helps to take a breath, push pause and step back for a few minutes to allow emotions to calm. The same approach also can be effective when it comes to preventing emotional meltdowns. Most parents have utilized the timeout as a tool for teaching children how to manage their behavior. This same process can work regardless of the trigger and allow you to take control of the threatening situation.Īction step: Intentionally develop a plan for how you can deal with the trigger. This allowed me time to methodically and logically work through my positions on issues without getting pulled into the negativity of our relationship. By developing this plan of action, I was able to avoid ongoing conflict and prevent a cyclical escalation of emotion.Ī second strategy I used was thoroughly preparing my thoughts prior to the meeting. Because I attended regular meetings with this person, I would physically write the words “Do not speak" on my notepad prior to the meeting. It seemed that every word, action or idea he introduced was a direct attack on me personally and professionally. I once worked with a person who had the unique gift of being a perpetual trigger in my life. Once you’ve identified your triggers, develop a plan for how you can manage them.
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